… From California to the New York island …

It’s catchy, no?

Well, now that we own Citigroup of America, we have to start thinking about the Mexican economy, for example, because our Banamex unit is over there and we need deposit growth. We’ve got a bit of capital shortage over here at Citigroup.

Not since the Second Bank of the United States in early 1800s has there even been the appearance of a bank owned by the federal government for any duration beyond the short period of a failed institution’s liquidation. As an owner of Citigroup of America, I have a few requests:

* Employee Pricing. GM’s got it, so should Citigroup of America, its compatriot in insolvency. I’d like a credit card with just a smidgen of APR (maybe LIBOR + 1) and no late fees. Man, I hate it when my wife buries the credit card bill on the desk of our home office.

* Make Me a Branch. I’d rather not walk three blocks to get cash from a Citigroup of America branch. A little closer, please.

* Hire My Cousin. He’s a swell guy, but the real estate thing he was doing before just didn’t work out, because, well, you know why. He could do Willumstad‘s old job — it’s a good one for people who dress well, and my cousin knows how to wear a tie.

This is the least that $25 billion of common stock for us taxpayers should do for me. Make lists, everyone. The Citigroup of America is your bank now.